Certain people drive me crazy | Nuttman

Recently in the news cycle, I've noticed more than a few accidents have involved senior citizens and their vehicles.

Recently in the news cycle, I’ve noticed more than a few accidents have involved senior citizens and their vehicles.

Now, before I am deluged by streams of abuse, little old ladies driving their “Hoverounds,” running into my ankles at Target, let me state unequivocally that I believe senior citizens are some of the safest drivers on the road. They are certainly safer than Jerrad, driving his 1997 Civic in a sideways drift at 55 mph, while auditioning for “Fast and Furious, The Kent Edition.”

Or Lindsay, while driving her dad’s Grand Cherokee, decides to squeeze into the smallest space possible at the store, while texting her friend, Ashleigh, and putting on her newest lip gloss.

We’ve all seen the little old ladies behind the wheel, however. And they don’t provoke a lot of good vibrations from me as a fellow driver. She can barely see over the steering wheel, while wearing the sunglasses from the Roy Orbison Fan Club. It’s not even a sunny day and she’s wearing glasses that must block out every lumen of light, or she just had cataract surgery and shouldn’t be behind the wheel at all.

And the older gentleman backing up in the parking lot, doing 30 mph scares the bejesus out of me. You’ve seen him too, the white haired guy, saying to himself, “I’ve lived on this Earth for 75 years, fought in two wars and have dodged danger all my life. I’m backing up now, you watch out for me!”

We all know people who have been driving for years and are a potential threat to themselves or others on the road. My stepfather, a lovely guy, is the best. But I wouldn’t get in a car with him. He tends to drift into other peoples’ lanes.

My mother-in-law, whose age I won’t reveal here, is the nicest, sweetest person in the world, and occasionally will come home from a pinochle game with a new scratch on her bumper. Apparently those barriers around fire hydrants will just jump right out at you.

So what’s the solution? Ever since you were 16, driving a car was the greatest freedom since your Schwinn. Taking away someone’s keys, especially someone you love and respect, is difficult. But sooner or later it has to be done.

So, if you have to have that discussion with mom or dad, good luck and hopefully it won’t be too late. Also be prepared to be their chauffeur, just like when they had to drive you at 6 a.m. to Little league practice across town. Be prepared to drive them to Olympia for that stamp collection festival. And be prepared to drive them to another early bird special at the restaurant.

They drove you all over for 16 years to take care of your needs, now it’s your turn to do the driving.

Paybacks are a bear aren’t they?

Todd Nuttman is a regular contributor to the Kent Reporter.


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