Dear Santa: Since I can wager your e-mail inbox is full already, I decided to go old school and write this on my Word document and print it, put a stamp on it and schlep to the post office where I stand in line for 20 minutes watching Gramps Muldoon, take five more minutes explaining to me the benefits of postal insurance.
I have been good this year. My road rage is almost none existent except for last Saturday at the mall, where I gave an 80 year old woman the finger while waving my knife at her. Stupid pedestrians.
Here is my list for Christmas this year.
To the people who get their blood pressure up at public nativity scenes. Stay home or just walk around the manger if you don’t like it. My hope is that they receive some common sense this year and lighten up.
Please give the people who like to do 55 mph in the fast lane, while texting or talking on the cell, a colonoscopy, in hopes we can find their heads.
Please give our government leaders the sense of fiscal responsibility, so they can stop spending our hard earned cash like a sailor on shore leave. Let’s cut programs like NASA which just send our money into outer space where it unfortunately disappears, kind of like our 401K’s.
Please get Seattle another NBA franchise. I have already complained enough about this in past columns, but it bears repeating. Besides, the Seahawks and Mariners continue to disappoint.
It probably isn’t your area Santa, but could you lighten up a little on the rain? I am glad my car is painted burgundy, because the rust doesn’t show up as bad. (What a great name for a new NBA team, the “Seattle Puddles.”)
On personal note, I would like a book deal, a new 50 cc scooter painted pink, with a white wicker basket up front and streamers from the handle bars. Also please continue to give us health, happiness and strong character to get through 2011. Please continue to give my daughter work, so I don’t have to be a walking ATM, and continue to let me write for the great people of Kent.
Oh and Santa, if I get some coal in my sweat sock I have hung from the mantle with care, it will be OK as well. I’ll just use it to BBQ some pork. Lemons into lemonade, you might say.
Have a great holiday season everyone!
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