Soon I will be taking part in another rite of passage. In less than a month, my daughter will be turning 21. I will be taking up a complaint against the Big Skipper on this one, however. Just yesterday it seems she was wondering what shoes go with grape Kool-Aid stains. Just yesterday she was fighting with me about cleaning her ears in the tub. Now she is fighting me on a new place for an earring. Just yesterday she was laughing and giggling to Saturday morning cartoons. Now she sleeps through them.
Where does the time go? When my brother and his wife recently had a baby, I told him to measure time, just blink real hard until your eyes go fuzzy, now focus … 20 years just went by. Fortunately, it doesn’t go by that fast, it just feels like it. I told him to keep his eyes open, and enjoy every minute of his daughter’s youth, because soon she will be 21, borrowing his car and treating him like an ATM.
Kids’ needs change as they grow. When she was 3, all she needed was a Ziploc bag of cheerios and a tippy cup. Now she won’t rise from her 14-hour hibernation without a chocolate frappucino, shaken not stirred. Years ago clothes that started clean in the morning would be dust rags by 9 p.m. Now, she “borrows” my T-shirts, and if returned they are two sizes too small, and have stains that are recognizable to a criminal investigator.
For the past 10 years, these have been the toughest. Puberty hits with a vengeance, turning your once-innocent son or daughter into a raving lunatic. Screaming matches, followed by slamming doors, are the order of the day. The only way to endure these tough years is to be patient and wait. The day will come when they are out of puberty, and they will want to be your friend again.
But oh, I’m sorry our time is up. After puberty is gone, children get their own lives. New friends, old friends, relationships, careers – all will take place without your opinion or input. You were hoping that when she was 4, the only man in her life was you, and you took care of her every need. You also hoped that this arrangement would never end.
But now it is over. I am no longer the only man in her life. She can take care of her basic needs all by herself. She is officially an adult. With adult problems. Hopefully I can remain an influence on her life. She can still ask me for advice, and take it or not. She can still ask me for money, and I can give it or not. She is in charge of her own destiny, and I am just the guy who kept the Cheerios bag full when she was 3.
I can live with that.
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